Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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