I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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