He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize