Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
