Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize