People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
