I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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