i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
