Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
