I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
