i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
