my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
