I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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