hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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