In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
