I cockslap morals
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
