Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
