No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
