how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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