My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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