belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Vodka?
Forever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
True strength comes from lack of pants
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
