new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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