i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
