i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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