you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize