capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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