You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
