omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
