i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wish you could order shots online.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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