just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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