the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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