explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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