Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
