I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i've created a new STD.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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