dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dignity is for republicans.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
