as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
