I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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