Moan for me like Helen Keller
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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