Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
