last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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