you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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