Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
