i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
