Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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