CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
