I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
