wrigley field is MILF paradise
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize