I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
