Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
