Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just threw up on my dentist
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize