apparently the secret to your success is patron
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
