so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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