were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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