Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
