Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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