just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You are a genius and a whore.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
