I didn't shave. On purpose
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
