Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
