Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
