I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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