You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
