____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
