the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize