how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
