i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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