dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
