So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
did i just pee glitter
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
