she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I see more hoeing in ur future
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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