I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
