i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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