He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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