How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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